2017: A Reflection Of My Year

by - 10:00

2017. What a year. For the whole world, it's been a year of loss, heartbreak and 'what the fuck is going on?!' and I'm afraid that my personal life has been no different. If you follow me on social media then you will probably be aware that I've had a rather difficult year. Well, now I'm here to reflect upon that and, hopefully, welcome 2018 with open arms.

My year both started and ended with mourning. I've lost a few family members this year, four to be exact, and to be completely honest...it's torn us apart. A lot will say 'unlucky' or 'unfortunate', but I don't see it that way. If it all comes down to luck, then how can one family have so little of it? 

We've never been an extremely close family, hell I don't even remember the majority of my cousins names. We've all drifted apart over the years and kind of stuck to our little circles. But this year has made me realise that I don't want that anymore. I missed out on so much quality time with treasured people and now they're gone. Time I'll never get back. 2018 will be for my family.

I started 2017 unemployed. I ended 2017 unemployed. After my best efforts, I'm still being rejected over and over. It's tough being a 19-year-old, living off your parents, barely even affording deodorant when it's needed. I need to move again. Work. Progress. Succeed. 2018 is for my future. 

This year my best friend in the whole world moved nearly 100 miles away to begin a new life at university. Adjusting has been difficult for me. I was used to seeing her all the time. Messaging her and asking to grab a hot chocolate or have a mooch around the shops. I had to get used to seeing her in her new life. Her new home. Her new friends. And without sounding like I'm really possessive or that I have abandonment issues, it was hard. 2018 is for cherishing those days when she comes home.

My mental health hit an all time low in 2017. My stress levels were through the roof. With everything that's been going on, the pressure I've been putting on myself...I couldn't cope. But thankfully, I think that's all over now. The last month or so have been a real turning point for me. I started taking anti-depressants and after going through some pretty god-awful side-effects for a few days, I'm finally seeing a change. 2018 is for further improvement. 

But it hasn't been all bad. I've thrown myself, heart & soul, into my blog. Working as hard as I can to produce the best that I can. And I'm loving it. It's kept me sane. My blog has turned into my little diamond, and every now and then I polish it and just let it shine. And let's not forget that I finally started to venture into the YouTube world again. I've already been planning my new content and I'm so excited to step my game up.

With all of the loss this year, it's made me cherish the people I love even more. My boyfriend for always being there for me. We've had our tough times but as we reach our 3 year anniversary he's still the one I want to run to. My brother for always encouraging me, letting me know that it's okay to cry and then following up with a joke. He always lights up a room with his humour. My step-dad for being that dependable male figure I've always needed. Sharing my love for all things tech and helping me when my laptop is talking nonsense. My sister for being annoyingly overprotective. We may not see eye-to-eye on everything. but I know she has my back. And finally, my mam, for just being herself. She's been to hell and back, but she still manages to get up and carry on. Constantly putting others before herself and god knows she needs to slow down and relax. She may not have the most money, but she for sure has the most heart and strength I've ever seen in a person. I love and appreciate you all. 

In hindsight, 2017 has been an awful year, but it's also been an excellent year for personal growth. With everything that's happened, my family and I have only come out stronger. I'm entering the new year with a mindset that I feel I've never had before. I'm positive and determined. This may be the anti-depressants talking but I'm more confident. I have a slightly new outlook on things and how I want my life to be, and I would be a fool to let anyone get in the way of that.

I hope 2018 is a year of strength, power, kindness and, most of all, happiness. We all could use some.

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Caitlin x

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  1. I'm sorry for your losses over the past year, you're very right in saying it's so important to cherish your loved ones. I hope 2018 is your year! x

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