Cut Off

by - 10:00

I don't really know where my direction for this post is going to be and to be honest, I don't even know if I'm going to post it. I was reading some other blogs and checking my socials when I just felt like, you know what, I'm going to write whatever goes through my mind.


Recently I decided to take a social media break. I had a break for about 4/5 days and I didn't go on social media at all, in fact I actually deleted the apps so I was less tempted. As many of you may, or may not, know I suffer with depression and if you know what depression is like then you'll also know that it can come in waves. Well, I was (and still am) going through a pretty bad wave.

For the past few months I've felt very 'down'. It's actually pretty hard to explain what depression feels like to someone who has never experienced it but I'm going to go with, everything and nothing. There's nothing particularly wrong, but at the same time it feels like my whole world is crashing around me and I'm trapped in the rubble. Like I have this empty feeling inside and it kind of feels like exhaustion, but on a much deeper level. At the same time I have so many emotions, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm agitated & worked up. But I lay in bed all day with this monotonous look on my face, shedding a tear every now and then, unable to drag myself out of this rut.

This is why I took a break from social media. I felt like taking a break and separating myself from the negativity, the hate, the constant need for attention and comparison, I felt like distracting myself from that for a while would do me good. And in some ways it did.

I'm not saying that all social media is bad and that it's full of hate etc. but you must all be familiar with that feeling? That feeling after being on Twitter or Instagram, the feeling of hate and negativity. The feeling of comparison and "why aren't I like that?" I needed to get away from that feeling for as long as I could to see if it made any difference to me. And it did. After a couple of days I started feeling a little better. I wasn't thinking about other people and what they were up to, whether they were having a better time than me. I wasn't comparing my life to others and it did make me feel better, but I wasn't cured.

Now I didn't expect that my depression would magically disappear just because I hadn't seen a few Snapchat stories. I've had depression since I was 14, I've had therapy twice and I've definitely been though my ups and downs with it, so there was no way it was going to vanish. But it did make me realise that social media can have a massive negative influence on me.

The day I decided to come back to social media, I unfollowed about 300 people on Instagram and I felt so free. I didn't care about them unfollowing me, it's just a silly number at the end of the day. I didn't unfollow them to be mean or because I hated them, I simply unfollowed people who I thought they were either adding to the negativity or not adding anything to my life at all. And it's safe to say Instagram makes me a lot less angry.

I guess taking a break made me realise a few things. Life is more than what you post on the internet. We all unknowingly lie every now and then, making ourselves seem happier because we portray our lives as something better than it is. I want my social media pages to be a true reflection of me and who I am. I don't want to lie and make out like my life is perfect and that I'm always happy because I'm not. I also don't want to buy into other people's pages either - not everyone you see on the internet is telling the truth.

Also, to stop caring about people who don't care about me. When I said that I was taking a break from social media I had very little response. A couple of people commented and asked if I was okay, offering me their help etc. but that's it. A few events recently have made me realise that not even half of the people that I would consider as friends actually care about me and put the time in. I'm done giving my efforts to other people who don't deserve it. I'm not wasting my time anymore. You may be reading this and think this is a negative thing, but it really isn't. I have a small handful of amazing people in my life so I'm going to be focusing on them from now on. After-all, it is quality over quantity.

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I'm really happy with the outcome of taking my break and I'm to be starting this new chapter in my life. Thank you so much for reading. If you liked this post, please make sure to share and follow!

You can find all of my social media links here:
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Email: caityloux@gmail.com

Caitlin x

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2 comments

  1. It's healthy to take a break sometimes, it helps clear our heads, and lets us focus on what really matters in our lives and what is most important to us. I occasionally just delete all my social apps for a day, and just let myself be 'in the moment' throughout the day without the needing feeling to check my phone or take a photo.
    In the evening when I and my partner go on a walk, we sometimes say 'no phones', so we can properly talk, look around, and not be constantly answering messages or stoping to take photos.
    It's mentally healthy to have the break! Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk to a stranger, someone who also deals with these things.
    Much love, Caitylis x x
    www.caitylis.co.uk

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  2. I can totally relate to your post. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since my teens and recently felt I need to step away from blogging and social media. Social media at times is great and equally if can not be a help either. Wishing you well and remember you're not alone x

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