Sex Talk: Orgasms

by - 10:00

*DISCLAIMER*
By writing this series I am in no way claiming to be some sort of 'sex expert', I'm literally just an 18 year old girl who likes talking about sex. Everything written is my opinion and advice from my experiences, but I will try and cover as much as I can to help everyone.



ORGASMS! Whether you have them or not, we can all agree that they're a very hyped part of sex. So for today's sex talk, I'm going to be discussing orgasms. (just a note: I'm mainly talking about the female orgasm, not the male orgasm)

MYTHS & FACTS

There are so many myths around orgasms, and not many facts that people are aware of, so here are some cool ones that you may be interested in knowing.

- An orgasm is ALWAYS the main goal when having sex. MYTH.

Sex shouldn't always be based around an orgasm, sometimes you have to just enjoy the ride (no pun intended) and stop focusing on the destination. You can still have amazing sex without having an orgasm at the end of it, it all depends on how you look at it.

- Reaching orgasm is a common difficulty. TRUE.

Many may feel ashamed or embarrassed at not being able to reach orgasm, but it's very common. Your body isn't always ready to climax, it doesn't mean that you or your partner are doing a bad job, it may just mean that your body simply isn't ready for one. And that's perfectly okay!

- Safer sex is worse & it makes you unlikely to orgasm. MYTH.

Big. Fat. Lie. If you're about to have sex with someone and they say to you "oh but do I have to wear a condom? It doesn't feel as good", tell them to piss off. Contraception has no effect when it comes to climaxing, it may take a little more time but the end result is the same.

- Only women can have multiple orgasms. MYTH. 

A multiple orgasm is being able to have another orgasm after already having one, and for some reason so many people believe that all men just want to sleep after having one orgasm and aren't able to go again, that's false! Just like women, men are able to have multiple orgasms. It's more common in younger men (under 30), and of course it's normal to need a little rest time (the younger you are the less rest time you need). But yes, it is possible!

DIFFERENT TYPES OF ORGASM

There are two different types of orgasm for women, clitoral & G-spot. Clitoral orgasm is possibly the easiest and most common way of climaxing, while the G-spot is a little more tricky.

I'm assuming we've all heard of the G-spot before, but I just want to write a little bit about it. The term G-spot is short for the Grafenberg spot (named after the German gynecologist that first discovered it). It's said to be located 5-8 cm into the vagina on the anterior wall (the front wall, facing up) and when the area is stimulated, it can give great arousal and powerful orgasms.

There have been many studies on the G-spot since the 1940s but it's existence has still never been 100% proved. There have been many theories, some saying the G-spot exists and it is it's own erogenous zone, some saying that it the G-spot is simply an extension of the clitoris (since it was found that they both share the same tissue) and so it all classes as one erogenous zone, and some saying that it doesn't exist at all.

The reason some say that it doesn't exist is because of how difficult it is to find; there's still a large percentage of women who haven't, and may never, experience a G-spot orgasm. Since it needs direct stimulation, and considering the the tricky location, it isn't easy to do. I will even admit that I've never experienced a G-spot orgasm before, and you know what, I'm perfectly okay with that.

IS IT BAD SEX IF I DON'T ORGASM?!

No. As I mentioned before, sex isn't always about the orgasm. In the moment, we may get a little caught up and put pressure on ourselves or our partners to make sure that it happens, but really we should be learning to to enjoy sex for what it is. It's not bad sex if you don't orgasm at the end of it, it's perfectly fine.

Of course if you want to orgasm and you're not, then that's something that needs to be worked on, and by worked on I mean talked about between you and the person you're having sex with. There's nothing wrong with being in the middle of sex and asking to do something a little differently, whether that's changing positions or using sex toys etc. whatever gets the job done! You have to remember that sex is team work, and if you can't talk to your team mate about tactics then why are you even playing?

FAKING ORGASMS

Leading on, if you feel as though you're not going to orgasm, you may feel inclined to fake one. Now, I've expressed my views on faking orgasms before, and honestly I think it's a bad idea. Women may fake orgasms for many reasons such as wanting sex to end sooner, or maybe the partner is trying really hard but it's just not happening, and I can completely understand the reasoning behind it, but I still disagree.

If you are not getting the pleasure that you desire and then you fake an orgasm, your partner is going to think they've done a really good job and if you have sex again they might just do it the exact same way, and guess what, you probably won't orgasm...again! In the moment it might just seem like a quick fix to the situation, but in the long run it'll end up annoying you. If you're having sex and it's simply not happening, then have the guts to just tell your partner. There's absolutely no shame in it, it doesn't mean the sex was bad, or that they're sh*t in bed, it just means it wasn't happening and that's fine.

Also, if you don't feel like it's going to happen and your partner is trying really hard, don't ever feel as though you owe them an orgasm. Your orgasm is not theirs to own, and their orgasm is not yours to own. Yes it might make them feel happier for the moment, but it's really deceiving and to be quite honest, it's not very fair.

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There's so much pressure around orgasms, getting them, giving them etc. and to be honest, all of that pressure takes the fun out of sex. Do not worry if you're having orgasms or not, all it takes is being relaxed and having strong communication. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want, and just enjoy yourself! 

Thank you so much for reading. If you liked this post, please make sure to share and follow!

You can find all of my social media links here:
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Caitlin x

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2 comments

  1. I loved reading your opinion on some of these things! I agree with you, I rarely climax, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a great time having sex. It's crazy to think that some people are uneducated in sex and don't know some of the facts and myths you mentioned! Great post love xxx

    Melina | www.ivefoundwaldo.com

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  2. This is such an interesting read. I agree that sex isn't all about orgasming as a goal which some people think it needs to be. Also the faking orgasms thing, SO TRUE! If you don't communicate with your partner and act as though everything is fine then ultimately you are feeding them information that isn't going to help the situation. They really need to use this post in sex ed in schools haha!
    Lois x
    www.lifeasloismay.wordpress.com

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